Heart Disease: What I Have Discovered and How to Prevent It!

OK, I have been learning about Heart Disease (HD) for over a year now and I have some ideas I want to share. 

HD is the #1 cause of death in both men and women. About 1 out of every 2 men and even more for women.
HD kills as many as 9/11 did every single day, 365 days every year.

OK, that's the bad news. The good news is that we can do something about it.
It's important to understand one of the ways in which this can happen. Here's what happened to me.

CAVEAT:  I am not a doctor or accredited expert so this is all just what is true to me.

1. The arteries get inflamed by poor diet, lack of exercise, inflammatory thinking and unresolved emotions. (in no particular order)

2. The intelligence of the body tries to repair these arteries by taking access cholesterol and patching the damaged area.

3. If this goes on too long, the cholesterol in the arteries (plaque) closes part of the artery.

4. Something like vigorous exercise, overheating (sweat lodge), emotional trauma, etc. can cause some of the plaque to dislodge (hemorrhage) and enter the blood stream to be removed.

5. The body sees this opening as a wound and sends red blood cells to patch it up.  The patch closes even more of the artery and voila! Heart Attack.

I almost had a heart attack on Sept. 20, 2013. Upon investigation, an angiogram showed that I had 55% blockage in my Left Anterior Descending Artery (LAD). Most don't know anything about this until 80% or more is blocked and they have a full blown Heart Attack and Die or need Heart Surgery immediately. I am one of the fortunate ones.

Genetics are not the cause of this issue but can contribute toward this by producing more cholesterol than ideal. This is my condition and is called Hypercholesterolemia caused by an abnormally high Lipoprotein Little A (LPa).

Cholesterol is not the cause but more of a symptom so when Americans reduced the amount of natural fats in our diet and replaced them with more grains, sugars, grain-fed animal products and processed foods (inflammatory foods), HD went up.

It's important to know that HD does not come from a broken heart. Broken hearts do not contribute to HD but a closed heart does. As long as the heart is allowed to feel and stay open, the heartbreaks will not cause any damage. Only by closing the heart around an emotion will there be heart damage.

In Conclusion: my regime includes:
Dramatically reducing grains, sugars and other inflammatory foods from my diet;
Adding more exercise to my day;
Meditating and relaxing more each day;
Allowing myself to play often;
Letting myself feel all emotions while holding on to none of them;
Taking cholesterol lowering supplements like Niacin, Fish Oil, Flax Seed, Chia seeds & Coconut Oil.
Taking natural blood thinner White Willow Bark.
Temporarily taking a low dose statin while I heal the inflammation as to not add insult to injury.
Taking 360mg of CoQ10 to compensate for it's depletion by the statin.
Seeing a lipidologist every 3 months to check my lipids, LP(a), kidney and liver function.
And eventually, getting another CT Scan to see how much more open my artery is.

Since I started this regime, I feel at least 100% better; I am able to do more vigorous activities without chest pain or shortness of breath; my blood lipids are balanced and my blood pressure is ideal. (I also carry nitro pills with me when I am doing activities that might trigger a hemorrhage to appease my overprotective bride) 

It's important to know that cholesterol, red blood cells and LP(a) do not cause HD, they are merely reacting to an unnatural condition (excessive inflammation) the only way they know how. 

Warning: when I do vigorous exercise or get stressed, some of the remaining plaque will sometimes dislodge. The minute I feel this I take a baby aspirin to keep the blood thin so it flows without those "good intentioned red blood cells" coming to patch it up. This allows the body to remove the plaque without an event.

Are You Flying Higher Than Your Consciousness Allows?

I am continually amazed at how everything is working towards Consciousness.  As a Kriya Yoga disciple, I am committed to full Self/God Realization.  I would like it to be this lifetime too but am not attached. Over the last 5 months, I have experienced some really painful relationship karma. One minute I'd be high as a kite, flying through life like never before and then, in an instant I'd fly smack dab into a mountain.  The message I got in my morning meditation is helping me to understand this in a much more simple, yet joyous way.

Imagine that we are like a butterfly that goes through many stages until our wings are fully developed and we reach "Butterfly Enlightenment". At this point we would be able to fly anywhere available with ease, peace and joy.  Now what if you are a butterfly, like myself, that is always exploring higher possibilities?  If we fly higher than our wings can handle, someone or some experience will painfully put us back down to our level of consciousness.  At this point we can either stay down, which would have the symptoms of blame, resentment, victim, attack and making the other person or situation wrong. Or, we can return to the cocoon, feel the pain fully, forgive everything involved and see where the pain is leading us. If we do that, we will grow stronger, more conscious wings and be able to fly higher than before.

I am so grateful to the people and experiences that have inspired me, often through force and pain, to go back into the cocoon of higher consciousness so I can continue to become a more powerful butterfly.  I often curse you at first because it hurts, but it has become abundantly clear what a gift you are to me and humanity.

How I Changed My Destiny

In the movie...The Adjustment Bureau, Matt Damon was able to change his destiny.  This brought up many questions for Angelina and me regarding Destiny, Fate and what can be changed and what cannot.  Then I got this in my inbox.

 

Today's Daily Kabbalah from Karen Berg......

Changing Destiny
Monday June 30, 2014
 

"It is said that there are three ways we can change something that is destined to happen to us. One is with prayer, the second is by giving charity, and the third is by changing our ways. The most powerful is the last. There are destinies we can undo when we make the effort to sincerely transform our negative attributes."

It appears that some destinies are unchangeable and some are not. I believe that I was destined to fail at romantic partnership as a result of addiction. I believe that I was destined to have a heart attack by my 53rd birthday.  I believe I was destined to feel small around my surrogate mother. All of these have been changed. By the Grace of God and lots of prayer, meditation, discipline and compassion for myself and others, I have managed to allow conscious committed romantic partnership to flourish in my life while simultaneously conquering my addictions. I also managed to divert a heart attack through changing my diet, adding supplements, taking a pharmaceutical and keeping my emotional heart open. In addition, I no longer feel small relative to my Sacred Villain who I now know was actually a part of The Universe's Conspiracy Upon My Behalf.
There is much more I have to learn and heal but that's just a few ways I believe I have changed my destiny. Then again, all of that may have been destined too. The Universe is a tricky One. LOL

How is Facebook Addiction like Food Addiction?

I am feeling very empathetic to people with food addictions. I have often had difficulty relating to people with substance addictions because my challenges have been more what is called "process addictions" like romance addiction and codependency. Still, I understand "addiction is addiction" and it is all  inspired from the same place of "emptiness and fear" which comes from not feeling loveable.


Recently, I have been noticing my compulsion to be on Facebook. At first I just blew it off because it is part of my writing, connection etc. It became very clear to me in the last week that I have been out of balance with my administration work, meditation and yoga practice.  I noticed that even though I let these important areas of my life fall back, my Facebook presence has been strong, daily and well cared for.


So, without putting myself or anyone else down, I realize how seductive Facebook is to me. As someone who puts "the yoga of relationship" above almost anything else in my life, it is obvious how a 24/7 network of connection, sharing and availability of people can be a temptress. This morning on my way down to meditate, I saw my computer and heard "just check me real quick. It will make your morning meditation that much better".  OMG, here I am on my computer and have not meditated. LOL


So why is this like food addiction. Food is available 24/7 for most people. It is beneficial in many ways. It can be very social. It can make us "high". If abused, it can cause problems, For me, giving up Facebook would be like giving up food. It is not an option. Just like giving up romance was not an option. I just focused all my romantic energies on Angelina. They are part of my human experience so like peeps with  Food Addiction, I must first admit I have a Facebook addiction and start taking steps to find my balance and health in this arena. Like food, it will not require abstinence. Like food, I need to have healthy balanced Facebook diet.


I am confident that I can create balance in this area as I have done with every other addiction or compulsion I have identified. It actually excites me because I love a challenge.


Anyone else relating to this??

It's Time To Love Your Human

OK, it's 2014 and many of us are experiencing The New Earth in a myriad of ways. I was told very clearly in 2012 that my part in supporting The New Earth is to go out and share with as many people as possible, how beautiful, innocent, divine, worthy, lovable, pure, and Godlike we all are at our cores.


Most of us have worked diligently to love our children, our parents, our Gods or Goddesses (or at least our lack of belief in them), and even our fellow human beings (with the exception of those that trigger us. LOL). Anyway, it appears to me that the new frontier is fully loving Our Human. Sure we've all heard "love your humanness" but I am talking about completely disidentifying yourself from your body, emotions and thoughts so you can actually love Your Human.


I began to dramatically love my human self in May of 2013 when I had finally received enough information through books, CDs, cassettes, lectures, sermons, workshops, retreats, advice, counseling, loving examples, self talk, depression, pain, suffering and ultimately meditation, to outweigh the old programming that I and others (mostly I) had brainwashed me into believing about my unlovability and "not enoughness". Miraculously, some space was formed between my True Eternal Self and My Human Self. I believe that it was this small space that made all the difference. I began to refer to my human self in the 3rd person as Armand where as before I thought I was Armand.  I began to see Armand as a being that had been entrusted to me to watch over and care for. From this perspective, I became much more loving to him because I no longer blamed him for all the pain, shame, loss and stupidity that I had endured. He was doing the best he could and much of what I had judged him for in the past was a result of not having as strong an influence in his life as I do now.


I am finding myself more and more recognizing my True Divine Being, as well as the True Divine Being of others, with the simple awareness that our Human Self is just that, Our Human Self, and is like a trusting, innocent child that we are to guide, love, accept and care for.  In the Real Love by Greg Baer material, it is said that "people just want to be seen and accepted right where they are and they will begin to feel loved."   Well, isn't it time that we do that with Our Human Self? How can you see someone unless there is space between you and them? 


Here's to loving Our Human Self as much as we have learned to love others.  Maybe even more since that will make it so much easier to love everyone and everything Just As It Is!

Exposing The Cholesterol Myth

I was so blown away by a documentary film we saw today from 2009. It's called Fat Head. It shows a completely different perspective to Super Size Me. It is very much in alignment with the data I have discovered in the last few months about how much of what we have been told by the "experts" is contrary to what the actual studies show. I wept for a while for all of the people who have suffered from this misinformation. Here are a few highlights that I am buying into for now.

1. Saturated Fat is good for you and eating it lowers Cholesterol and helps one to lose weight and does not cause heart disease or obesity.

2. Vegetable Oil which replaced saturated fats causes inflammation and heart disease.

3. A high grain diet causes inflammation and heart disease and can lead to obesity.

4. Not getting enough cholesterol can lead to fatigue and depression.

When I was first diagnosed with Coronary Artery Disease (which I now affectionately call "The Window Maker" because it has opened a window into my health. thanks Deborah Mazanek), I could not find a dietary connection since I was doing pretty much what the experts have said to do since the 50's. Now that I have this new information, things make much more sense. I can definitely see how my diet contributed to my blocked artery. It also explains why my dad died of heart disease at 59 after substituting vegetable oils and whole grains for animal fats and eggs in the early 60's. I am so inspired.

God Bless The Talkers

Have you ever met anyone that talked and talked, often repeating themselves and it seemed as if they would keep going forever?  Well, I have certainly known my share of them and can easily relate to them. Hell, I talk for a living. We often put them down saying things like..."they really must enjoy the sound of their own voice" or "do they really think they are that interesting?" or "they sure take up a large space in a room." Anyway, it occurred to me that extra compassion may be offered to these rambling rivers of talk.  I have often gotten off the phone with someone and realized how drained I was and how after a while, I would lose my desire to stay present to them.


I realized recently that one probable cause for incessant talking is this....the voices in the psyche are so loud, so negative, so abusive and so demeaning that at least while they are talking, their own voice drowns out the "shitty committee".  Can you imagine what it feels like to have such powerful voices telling you bullshit constantly. I would imagine that 99% of us can relate to these voices but we all use different tools to quiet them.  I tend to use Facebook and movies even though meditation is much more effective. Others use nicotine, alcohol, sex, porn, gambling, TV, comfort food, and other distractions to keep the voices quiet. Unfortunately, the only long term effective cure is to become the observer. Yes, the voices will still be there chatting away 24/7 but at least two amazing things will happen.....1. you will create space between the voices and you and be better able to not believe what they tell you.... and 2. You will begin to have new empowering thoughts about who you really are and the voices will start to repeat those thoughts to you more and more. Remember, the voices are just regurgitating what you and others have told them. They are not bad, they are just not creative.  They believe everything they have heard just like your computer always gives you what you program into it.


So, God Bless The Talkers. They are only doing whatever they can to keep "the hell inside of them" from occupying their precious conscious space.

The Upside of Codependency

Codependency is a loaded, much misunderstood word and condition and Angelina and I have been pondering it's meanings, etc. lately   We both have identified with codependency in the past and have done much work to free ourselves of its grip.  Much of what our favorite relationship material, Real Love, talks about is in alignment with letting go of codependency. Here are a few popular definitions.

1.

excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically a partner who requires support due to an illness or addiction.

 

2. a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person is controlled or manipulated by another who is affected with a pathological condition (typically narcissism or drug addiction);

3.  An extreme dependency by one person on another who is suffering from an addiction. Common characteristics include low self-esteem coupled with a high need for approval. Not a formal psychiatric diagnosis, codependency is a psychological syndrome noted in relatives or partners of alcoholics or substance abusers.

4. the dependence on the needs of, or control of, another.

We believe that based upon this last definition, every human being would exhibit some codependency and a person's ability to function healthfully in relationship would depend greatly upon what degree of codependency they would have and succumb to.

Unfortunately, the word has been thrown around so much that it has lost much of its effectiveness in truly diagnosing an urgent or problematic situation.  This inspired us to look at how this term is often used to criticize others as well as lookin

g for ways that codependency may be positive. We are firm believers that everything has a front and a back and typically the bigger the front, the bigger the back. How does that work with codependency?  

In some ways, it is much like alcohol. Many people drink alcohol without adverse reactions, addiction, etc. Many alcoholics see alcohol as bad and will quickly call someone an alcoholic if they see them as even appearing to overdrink. We actually have a friend who believes Angelina is an alcoholic because she drinks a glass of wine almost every day. This can be true of people who identify as codependents too. Because some have had such devastating results from their own and other's codependency, they will often call another's actions codependent when it reminds them of past behaviors.  When I was recovering from surgery, I depended upon Angelina exclusively to help me get back to health.  Was this codependent? Absolutely and it worked wonderfully for each of us.  We both will bend over backwards for the other in cases where we feel stronger in a given situation and the other appears to need some extra support. In the broadest definition, this would be codependent however, it is obvious that some forms of codependency are healthy and productive.

As always, there are many views to every situation and we are open to expanding our awareness of these and other loaded words and phrases.

How Are Pain Bodies Like Scared Dogs?

How Are Pain Bodies like Scared Dogs?

Have you ever known someone that you absolutely adored, yet if you spent too much time or had too much intimate communication with them, there was volatile conflict?  This is what has inevitably happened time and time again with my surrogate mother for about 48 years. In December of 2012, we mutually agreed to keep our communications to a minimum and have had no conflict since and only very loving communications.

But what if you don't want to just be casual friends with someone with whom you have this triggering pain body dynamic. This will require much finesse, self-care, courage and compassion.  Volatile conflict is the result of unhealed or unidentified pain bodies. Imagine that these pain bodies are like scared dogs. You and your friend absolutely adore each other and you each have one of these scared dogs with you at all times. Sometimes the dog is locked up. Sometimes it is free to roam and other times it is on a leash. The trick is to make sure these scared dogs don't get too close to each other because there will be a fight and most likely some emotional, mental or even physical bloodshed. If either party had a healed pain body, the other dog would have nothing to fight with. Some people's scared dog  is free to roam and unidentified, and will bark and bite anyone at anytime. Unfortunately, unless we are fully healed of our pain bodies, other people's dogs are gonna find ours and pick a fight. For most of us, our scared dogs are either locked away/unidentified or leashed/identified. As long as everyone involved has identified their pain bodies and are conscious of how to keep them on a short leash while healing them, they will be able to have intimate conscious loving relationship.

This is serious relationship yoga and I am only just beginning to learn to navigate these waters. Fortunately with Angelina, our pain bodies rarely fight with each other. This is what I call complementary pain bodies vs. triggering pain bodies. Most of my friends are complementary with me and I have often avoided or run away from those people which were too triggering. I realize that I did this to protect myself, which in many cases prevented me from becoming more conscious and healed. I now choose to practice scared animal taming with those with triggering pain bodies as long as the other parties involved are also equally committed to this practice.

I will keep you posted as to how this new awareness develops. Thank you Thank you to all my triggers for they continue to inspire me to heal and fully embrace my scared dog.

If I Present Myself As More Damaged, Will You Still Love Me?

Today I eat more Humble Pie. After an intimate conversation with our dear friends, Lynn and Doug, I was able to identify another shadow of mine. Lynn noticed that I frequently paint a picture of myself as being less helpful to Angelina than I really am. I originally blew it off as me just being funny but the more we talked about it, the more I uncovered some shame and guilt that was motivating some of my thoughts and words. I then could see a lifelong behavior of inaccurate self representation and what I was really bidding for.


I often describe myself in ways that appear to others as a man who allows his bride to wait on him hand and foot. I say things like "Angelina does everything while I play on Facebook."  This month is the first time we've spent extensive time in Lynn's home and she noticed that the reality of our relationship was very different than what I presented. After some struggle, I realized that I have some unconscious shame, guilt and un-deservingness about having such a devoted woman who is willing to take care of me the way Angelina does. It is easy for me to see how my relationship with my mom and surrogate mother planted these seeds AND they are totally not my current reality.  I also have received quite a bit of criticism (mostly from women) about how I allow Angelina to take care of me.


One way I try and deal with the guilt is to exaggerate to people how little I do, in advance.  I have realized that there are at least two reasons I do this. One is to beat them to the punch, but the more subtle reason is "if I show you what a louse I can be, you will be able to prove to me that you love and accept me unconditionally."  OMG, how exhausting!


I realize that I have done a version of this my whole life. Angelina just happens to be the first woman who has seen through it all and committed to me deeply enough to inspire me to heal much of my shame, guilt and un-deservingness.  I can honestly say that I Love Me The Way She Does. Still, there is more to heal, love and release and I am open to continued fearless moral inventory.


Another way I did this a few years ago, that had powerfully painful results in our career, was when I exaggerated my Love Addiction and Codependency.  I had been shamed deeply by myself and others for 30 years for how I gave in to my addiction so in addition to owning it and doing the recovery work, I chose to publicly expose myself and exaggerate it because it carried more shameful weight in society.  I'm not saying that any addiction is shameful in any way or that it's a black and white situation. It's just that some addictions are less understood and judged than others and anything to do with sexuality is extremely scary to society.  OMG. Just getting this people!  It's as if saying I had codependency and love addiction wouldn't inspire enough rejection and unconditional acceptance so I better make it more scary.  Well it worked, I got the unconditional acceptance and love I was seeking but we also lost work because of imagined fear that my exaggerated posts instilled. Fortunately, our relationship bond with ourselves and others strengthened and we even got extra work because of the vulnerability and transparency that was mixed in with the self sabotage.


In closing, I commit even more to being more honest with myself and others. This includes but is not limited to refraining from exaggerating my dysfunction and my strengths. Deep gratitude for all of you who continue to love, accept and inspire me not only in spite of my dysfunction but because of it. Even when I exaggerate it. LOL

Free Will.... Maybe. Choice... ABSOLUTELY! (revised early title)

OK, I know that sounds weird but stay with me and I believe it will all make sense. 



I realized this morning during meditation that I have lost much of the high that I had 2 years ago relative to meditation and exercise.  In the beginning, it did not require much choice to meditate 2 hours and to do 2 hours of yoga and exercise every day.  I was motivated by a temporary high and excitement because it was new and the results were exhilarating. 



This is similar to what is called "new relationship energy (NRE)" when romantic and sometimes non-romantic relationships begin.   This is also called "Romantic Intrigue".  NRE was so powerful for me that I became addicted to it in 1979 and spent over 30 years struggling with its effects.  Recently, I was speaking with a friend about the power of "romantic intrigue" and how seductive and temporary it is. I also said that when you truly feel safe and comfortable with someone, "romantic intrigue" is not possible. He disagreed with me and said that he is coming to realize that true romantic intrigue can actually grow stronger in a safe, comfortable, committed relationship. 



I was in total disagreement but didn't want to argue and righteously believed I knew better since I was in a committed, conscious relationship and he wasn't.  Hubris, it's not just for breakfast anymore!  Anyway, that conversation has stayed with me and this morning I heard an inner voice say...."It's all about choice!" Could this apply to meditation, exercise, diet and even romantic intrigue?  "Absolutely"   I realized that the difference between what I felt for all the women in the past and what I feel for Angelina is largely about choice.  I choose to be excited by our relationship now because the "love drugs" of NRE are not there.  Drugs take us on Their journey. Choice allows us to make our Own journey.  OMG, my friend was right. 

Most of my life has been motivated by drive, ambition and intrigue and has had little to do with Choice.  When I got sober from the drug of "romantic intrigue" on September 11th 2011, I made a choice.  I truly felt like I would never experience happiness again because the "drug" had convinced me that it was essential for "joy's survival".  That's what a drug is supposed to do. It was doing its job perfectly, but it's a Big Fat Liar.  5 months later, I found a new drug......meditation and exercise.   I jumped into exercise so fully that I gave myself Achilles tendonitis in both heels, bilateral inguinal hernias and a sore knee. As usual, the drug of meditation and exercise wore off about 18 months later and I became less motivated. Today it became clear to me....."Make the Choice to choose to meditate and exercise, and the benefits will be even greater because you are choosing to choose".

Again, I am humbled.  This truth has shown up so many times in my life and each time I honored it, I became happier and more content, and my world became way more peaceful.  On June 15th 2007, I committed to monogamy and focused  my energy on how blessed I was to have found my twin flame and how much more simple, stable, peaceful and rich my relationship would be now.  Choice!  By 2011, I was completely burnt out on our church career.  In 2012 I made the choice to realize how blessed we were to be doing what we were doing, making the money we were making and using our gifts and talents to inspire and uplift. Choice!   I did the same thing with our simple home.  For years I felt lack because I believed my "dream home" was waterfront.  Last year I chose to see this home as my dream home and voila! I became happier here. Choice! We still love being on the water but we can rent that any time we choose and still choose to be happy and content here. I have realized that we truly don't have preferences, we only have choices.  A preference is just a thought we have chosen to believe but ultimately.....we just made it up.

Now it is time to choose again.  I choose to meditate and exercise more consistently.  I choose it more fully because the drugs have worn off that used to motivate me. The benefits of committed choice will be even more rich and powerful than before just like it has with every other healthy choice I chose to choose.