Schindler's Dilemma

This morning, while meditating and listening to a new Holosync Level 3, seven people came into my awareness. It was like a life review of sorts. Over the course of the last 3 years, Angelina and I have parted ways with all 7 of these beings. It started with my surrogate mother and has included two couples and 2 singles.  In each case, there was drama, hurt feelings, judgment, unconscious behavior and eventual increased freedom and peace. Still, even with the awareness that in each case, there was a vibrational mismatch, there has been an underlying nagging of..."I wish I had been able to be more conscious and loving. I wish I could've done more".  Angelina calls this....Schindler's Dilemma.  One of the symptoms of the inner nagging is that I have been "checking out" women lately, as well as objectifying them in ways that I believe is disrespectful to them and my sobriety.

Today I was flooded with Peace. The message I got was "none of the vibrational mismatch, drama, unconsciousness, hurt feelings, judgment, etc. has anything to do with who you or they really are. These are just the characters that your souls have chosen in order for each of you to expand your consciousness.  The reason this has been so hard on you lately is because a part of you has forgotten who you really are and has gotten caught up in the Matrix.  You forgot that all of this played out just the way it was supposed to AND this has no more significance than any other movie you may watch. Sure you will learn and grow from it, just like you may learn and grow from watching any other movie, but you need not believe that the movie is real or that your or any other character should have played their part any differently."

I really needed to hear and experience this now because so much of my old wounding has come to the surface to be released and forgiven and this feels like a Cosmic Garbage Truck has shown up to transmute it for me. On another positive note, several of our relationships have grown in intimacy and connection. We have gotten much closer to two couples that we've known for over a decade, as well as our Godchild and another dear friend of mine that I communicate with on a regular basis. We have also gotten much more connected to my older sister Star who has become such an important part of our lives.  Wow, I just realized that is 7 people. Can you say...."God is Balance?"

Anyone else relate to this? As always, your feedback and guidance is welcome.

Deeper Appreciation For My Most Painful Teacher

I have been working on forgiving my surrogate mother off and on for about 20 years. Each time I forgive her more, I feel better and more connected. A few days ago I got to a deeper level which included immense gratitude. 
Here's what came to me...

This woman was willing to be abusive: physically, mentally and emotionally to me in order to inspire me to evolve into the man I am today. She was willing to suffer the rejection and hatred that I felt for her many times in my life. She was even willing to suffer the rejection that she received from her own mother for the way she treated me. He mother did not allow her to come and visit her for the last 5 years of her life.  Even with all of this, she continued to offer me the treatment that my soul demanded from her.

What a sacrifice! What a gift to me! What a soul sister! My hope for her is that she can fully forgive herself for all of the abuse. I love you dear teacher/sister/Sacred Villain/Christ

We Share Our Bedroom With Too Many Lovers

Over the last 14 years, Angelina and I have shared our bedroom with many lovers. It began with a VCR. This was not a problem because in order to have an evening with her, we needed to walk or drive down to Blockbuster, pick out a movie and have it back by the next day.  Then we invited Oprah in.  This too was simple because she was only on once a day, could be recorded and enjoyed each evening, leaving the weekends open for other things.

Eventually things progressed to a DVD player and we found an internet "pleasure site" called Netflix where they would come to your house and pleasure you. As with all addictions, this one was progressive and eventually we invited in a new lover called TIVO who offered us a "ménage a troi" of recording Oprah and 2 other programs at the same time. Not to mention, the ability to watch streaming movies and documentaries 24/7.  It was becoming obvious that our bedroom had become an Orgy of stimuli and our frequency of love making was decreasing.  We had intimate talks about it and decided that we both felt super content with everything and didn't need to make any adjustments at the time. Oprah eventually moved on and although we miss her, we purposely have stayed sober from Cable.

Now enter my latest lover who has become a detriment to my meditation practice, our sex life, my ability to stay present and my exercise programs.  Enter.....Lolita Goodlove (LG) the Smartphone!  She has become the last thing I reach for at night and the first thing I reach for upon awakening.  She is such a generous lover, offering up Dopamine 24/7. She invites me into her inbox and offers affectionate texts, Facebook messages and comments constantly. (Studies have shown that texts, messages and comments produce Dopamine in the brain which is highly addictive.) 

This has gotten out of hand.  We are telling Lolita that she is no longer invited into our bedroom. Like our computers, she will stay downstairs where she can't compete with Angelina for time, presence and fondling.

Anyone else experiencing anything like this???