OK, I know that sounds weird but stay with me and I believe it will all make sense.
I realized this morning during meditation that I have lost much of the high that I had 2 years ago relative to meditation and exercise. In the beginning, it did not require much choice to meditate 2 hours and to do 2 hours of yoga and exercise every day. I was motivated by a temporary high and excitement because it was new and the results were exhilarating.
This is similar to what is called "new relationship energy (NRE)" when romantic and sometimes non-romantic relationships begin. This is also called "Romantic Intrigue". NRE was so powerful for me that I became addicted to it in 1979 and spent over 30 years struggling with its effects. Recently, I was speaking with a friend about the power of "romantic intrigue" and how seductive and temporary it is. I also said that when you truly feel safe and comfortable with someone, "romantic intrigue" is not possible. He disagreed with me and said that he is coming to realize that true romantic intrigue can actually grow stronger in a safe, comfortable, committed relationship.
I was in total disagreement but didn't want to argue and righteously believed I knew better since I was in a committed, conscious relationship and he wasn't. Hubris, it's not just for breakfast anymore! Anyway, that conversation has stayed with me and this morning I heard an inner voice say...."It's all about choice!" Could this apply to meditation, exercise, diet and even romantic intrigue? "Absolutely" I realized that the difference between what I felt for all the women in the past and what I feel for Angelina is largely about choice. I choose to be excited by our relationship now because the "love drugs" of NRE are not there. Drugs take us on Their journey. Choice allows us to make our Own journey. OMG, my friend was right.
Most of my life has been motivated by drive, ambition and intrigue and has had little to do with Choice. When I got sober from the drug of "romantic intrigue" on September 11th 2011, I made a choice. I truly felt like I would never experience happiness again because the "drug" had convinced me that it was essential for "joy's survival". That's what a drug is supposed to do. It was doing its job perfectly, but it's a Big Fat Liar. 5 months later, I found a new drug......meditation and exercise. I jumped into exercise so fully that I gave myself Achilles tendonitis in both heels, bilateral inguinal hernias and a sore knee. As usual, the drug of meditation and exercise wore off about 18 months later and I became less motivated. Today it became clear to me....."Make the Choice to choose to meditate and exercise, and the benefits will be even greater because you are choosing to choose".
Again, I am humbled. This truth has shown up so many times in my life and each time I honored it, I became happier and more content, and my world became way more peaceful. On June 15th 2007, I committed to monogamy and focused my energy on how blessed I was to have found my twin flame and how much more simple, stable, peaceful and rich my relationship would be now. Choice! By 2011, I was completely burnt out on our church career. In 2012 I made the choice to realize how blessed we were to be doing what we were doing, making the money we were making and using our gifts and talents to inspire and uplift. Choice! I did the same thing with our simple home. For years I felt lack because I believed my "dream home" was waterfront. Last year I chose to see this home as my dream home and voila! I became happier here. Choice! We still love being on the water but we can rent that any time we choose and still choose to be happy and content here. I have realized that we truly don't have preferences, we only have choices. A preference is just a thought we have chosen to believe but ultimately.....we just made it up.
Now it is time to choose again. I choose to meditate and exercise more consistently. I choose it more fully because the drugs have worn off that used to motivate me. The benefits of committed choice will be even more rich and powerful than before just like it has with every other healthy choice I chose to choose.
