The Dark Side of Gratitude

Oh no, I'm going into "sacred cow" territory again.  I am reminded of all the buttons that got pushed when I exposed the "dark side" of being "proud of" someone.  Anyway, this is what comes to me and my guidance is to share it in hopes to possibly shine a new, thought-provoking light on our dear friend....Gratitude.  I have lived by the saying "everything has a front and a back" which I first heard from John Demartini who many know from "The Secret".  It has been really helpful for me when my EGO wanted to make absolutes about anything.  Thinking something is going to be all enjoyable sets us up for disappointment. Can you say marriage???  Thinking something is going to be all miserable prevents us from getting the gift in the discomfort. Can you say divorce???  Here's an example...No-one really likes feeling ill and I have found that focusing on how miserable I feel makes the experience much more uncomfortable versus thinking and saying that I'm going through a healing crisis that is ultimately going to make my body, mind and Spirit stronger than ever.  The latter creates an energy of acceptance and peace. As Angelina and I step into the often scary place of the unknown with our career, our motivation comes from the inner knowing that our old career no longer serves us fully.  The thought of continuing to play at churches full time for love offerings, with no guarantee of how many will show up at our concerts, causes my stomach to tighten up.  This doesn't mean we are not extremely grateful for the last 10 years for her and 15 years for me. This has been the most amazing, prosperous, fully self expressed career of our lives.  Still, we have been getting guidance to move into other avenues of service and expression for several years now.  While meditating yesterday, I asked a question that went something like "what took us so long to make this decision?"  The answer was very clear...."Fear and Gratitude!"  Well I totally get the fear part.  Here we have a career that we know how to do. Doing something else will be scary on some level.  We will have to leave our "New Thought Bubble" where we know people will get us. We know at churches we are loved and appreciated and even though product sales plummeted in August of 2009 and have not fully returned to where they were during the "Bush Years".(just a joke, don't freak please), we were still able to make a comfortable living doing something we loved.  We also know we are being of service to 10's of thousands of receptive folks. How does it get any better than that?  How many folks would love to be able to say that?  We have nothing to complain about!  If this is what we have to do forever, that's good enough. We are soooo grateful for this amazing opportunity to do what we love together and make a living doing it.  How dare we be anything less than grateful and appreciative for all we have.  Aha! I see it now.  Although gratitude is one of the foundations of our lives and one of the main subjects of our ministry, the EGO can easily use it for it's own devices. Our gratitude for how blessed we are can also hinder us if used as an excuse to keep doing what we're doing even if it no longer feels right.  Anything that can dis-empower us needs to be brought to the light so that's what I'm doing with Gratitude.  Here's another example....Angelina stayed in her first marriage for about 7 years. She says that after about 3 1/2 years, she knew that her wasband was no longer "that into her" (I still don't get that one).  The romance continued to fade, respect diminished and they became more and more like roommates.   He wasn't even wealthy! lol   Most people, especially those without kids, would have been "outta there". What Angelina has that most don't, is an incredible feeling of gratitude for life. She lives in gratitude.  During the "non-wonder years" of her marriage, she focused upon what she was grateful for...her golden retrievers, her Unity church and minister Bob Marshall (paging Dr. Freud), her wasband's work ethic and ability to provide for them, the fact that he was not physically abusive and that many women around the world would trade places with her right now. How dare she not be appreciative.  Again, the EGO can use our grateful nature to keep us stuck where sometimes a bit of "anger" and "nonacceptance" can motivate us.  I've heard this called "The Divine Discontent" and is often credited as a step towards transcendence and mysticism.  Another version would be "there must be something more" which Belle so eloquently sang in Disney's Beauty and the Beast. I can't believe that just came up because I've often thought that our relationship paralleled that movie. Here Angelina leaves her respectable world, the one her parents really were "proud of her" for having. LOL Where she was apparently financially secure (we ended up with credit card debt from that facade,ha), with a corporate husband, a Lexus, a Suburban and Insurance.  Oh My God!!  She leaves that and runs off with a guy with no insurance, a mini-van, long hair, no savings, no paycheck, multiple addictions and for God's sake, his shoes don't even match.  Somehow, by the Grace of God and a hell of a lot of oxytocin (the love drug), none of this mattered to her and eventually, she tames the Beast and they live "Happily Ever After"..........the beginning! 
  
God I'm grateful!!!

The Buck Stops Here or...It's All About Me!

I have noticed that any time I'm upset over something or someone, it ends up being about me. As I've been processing a painful ending to a 29 year co-dependent relationship with another couple,  I've noticed that my "spiritual path" has not been able to bring me to peace the way it usually does.  Last night I started meditating on this and was able to get some insights.  The dialogue between self and Self went like this .......
Why am I hurting?
You  are judging.
Who am I judging?
The couple.
What am I judging?
Their lack of honesty with you, anger towards you and lack of support of you.
I already have accepted those things in them.
Not fully because you haven't accepted those things in you.
What you talkin' bout Willis?
If you look deeply, you'll see that you posess all of that energy towards them too.
Ouch, I didn't see that but you're right. I've been pretending to have positive feelings for them for years when deep down, I f%@#ing can't stand them. I have supported them though, haven't I?
You've supported them in some ways but you have not fully accepted them for how they have showed up in your life.
Damn, that's true. How come Spirituality hasn't been able to override this for me?
Spirituality is available to give perspective, understanding and guidance to what you are conscious of. It cannot help you with what you don't know that you don't know.  You were pretending to be loving but deep down you were judging so until you owned that, you would always suffer and they would always end up doing/reflecting something to you that would trigger this suffering.
Wow, that is very helpful.  Now I feel even worse about the way I have been with them especially recently when I told them off in an email.
Good, you are conscious of what you are feeling and now you can use your Spiritual tools to change your thoughts.  Knowing you,  you'll do that very quickly. Now it's time to forgive yourself and them completely, (remember, you are them and they are you) knowing that you all did your best and the only thing that you could at the time.  Forgiving them will be the easy part but letting yourself off the hook for doing and thinking what you believed was beneath you will take some courage. This is your pride and it does not serve you.  You are a spiritual teacher because that's what you came here to do. Not because you are supposed to be more or less than anyone else. Remember, all are equal and no-one need have any more pressure upon them to do what they came here to do than anyone else.  When you say, "I'm more spiritual than this",  you are effectively saying "it's OK for them to be that way because they are inferior to me".  When you can have equal compassion for everyone and yourself, you'll be able to embrace your "I'm not proud of myself or anyone else" philosophy more fully.
Ouch!  OK, more self forgiveness. I get it. Thank you.
Anytime my friend.   BTW, I'm You, I'm God, I AM. LOL

So once again I'm reminded that the Buck Stops Here!  While Angelina and I were in Vegas in December, we saw a girly pink shirt with rhinestones that said "It's All About Me".  Although the makers may not have been consciously aware of how true that statement is, we both said "that pretty much sums up consciousness". 

I Now Pronounce Us....Not Guilty!

For those of you who've been to one of our services in the last year, you've probably heard this talk.  This subject was inspired by an Oprah show and my own feelings of  "shame and guilt" before attending the Hoffman Quadrinity Process which helped me release most of those feelings.  Oprah had a couple of ex-cons on her show, who had served over 10 years each of a life sentence for taking the lives of family members.  They were both freed because of an amazing technology....DNA Testing. As a result of their tests, it was proven that they were innocent.  That in itself is wonderful and not too surprising. What was really surprising was that both men had confessed to the crimes.  This left Oprah and the audience amazed. How could this be?  Why in the world would anyone do that?  Well, the men said that they were traumatized by the situation, their incarceration and the relentless interrogation.  At some point they just surrendered and confessed. This made it harder for them to ever be free but at least gave them a temporary peace from all the mental torture.

Upon hearing this I began to weep.  I recognized all the trauma that I have felt in my life.  I remembered the interrogations etc.  I recognized that I had been sold a set of lies and after hearing them long enough, my receptive parts started to believe it.  I heard "Lord I'm not worthy to receive you",  "you were born in original sin", "you are a bad boy", "you should be ashamed of yourself" and the list goes on.  If you were told anything less than "you are a beautiful, perfect, child of God that was born an original blessing", than you were lied to.  We are so worthy to receive all the love in the world.  We have nothing to be ashamed of and have no need to ever feel guilty. As Marianne Williamson said "it is our greatness that we most fear".  Why, because it is so contradictory to what we've been told.  We are so afraid of being arrogant that we play unhealthily small.  Arrogance is "I'm wonderful and Godly and you're not."  Enlightenment is "I'm wonderful, Godly and totally unique...just like everyone else"...swami beyondananda     If you are like me, you are in the process of rediscovering your innocence, your divinity and your ultimate worthiness.  We have been serving time for a crime we didn't commit.  This has gone on too long. As we approach 2012, humanity is reminded of Jeshua's amazing words..."love thy neighbor as thyself".  Somehow we often forget the 'as thyself' part.  For most of us, it's much easier to love God and our neighbor than it is to love ourselves.  This has got to stop.  We are of the most good to others and the planet when we are free. How can we be free if we are imprisoned in our mind from an old sentence that we never deserved?  I am offering to free us all, to pardon us from whatever we believed we did.  The key of course is complete "self forgiveness".........I Now Pronounce Us....Not Guilty!  

PS. if you send an email to info@armandandangelina.com, I'll send you a free mp3 of Innocent, the song I wrote after this realization.

EGO-Always Trying to Edge God Out

After receiving a post today from a dear friend about EGO, I decided to write about it. For me, the goal is not to get rid of the EGO but to tame that sucker.  I have heard..."the ego makes a great slave and a terrible master".  We can only serve one Master.(that is unless you have a wife lol)  One can easily tell if the EGO is running things....Life will suck!  Judgment, attachment, worry, fear etc are all symptoms of an EGO that is running the show.  I can joyfully say that I no longer consciously have those symptoms (unconscious is another story), yet I know I still have quite an active EGO. Duh!  The word EGO has also been used as an acronym for trying to Edge God Out. There truly is only room for one master. We return to heaven when we commit fully to God/Spirit/Source/Intelligence and use the EGO only to explore and play with during this earthy experience. My adopted son is an atheist and still he surrenders to "what is" and believes that everything since the Big Bang is already scripted. He is one of the least judgmental people I know. Yet, we are surrounded by New Thought folks who believe in an all loving, omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient (all the omnis) God and most can't have one conversation without saying or thinking judgments, ie. making something or someone wrong. There are many Spiritual and/or Intellectual paths that point to this Peace of Mind. Actually at their core, most spiritual teaching probably point to this heavenly state. Unfortunately, since the experience of God/Peace/Freedom is impossible to share, all teachings are made up by the teachers (or their scary-ass followers) in order to describe the indescribable.  That's precisely why The Script is purposely so simple and easy to understand on first reading.  It's time for a new Spiritual path that is not confusing. It's time for a teaching that immediately upon embracing, destroys judgment, attachment, worry, anxiety, fear, and control. I believe The Script is part of the New Consciousness, the New Earth and 2012.  Then again, we'll have to wait and see what's scripted. lol  Life.......what an adventure! Crikey....

The Ultimate Crazy Radical Forgiveness!

Every time I think that I've completely forgiven myself and everyone else, a new opportunity arises.  It's very much like the bugs in our pool, there are always new ones committing suicide just after I get it all clean. There is a saying..."how do you know there is nothing left to forgive?.......you won't be here!"  Well, I don't know for sure if that is true AND everyone I know seems to have ongoing chances to forgive. Like Shrek says, "it's like onions, they've got layers". 

Anyway, the way I see it, there are 3 basic stages of forgiveness.  The 1st is.....I forgive that jerk, for what they did to me.  This is usually when forgiveness is in your head guiding you, and your emotions are still feeling very separate and judging. Raise your hand if you've done this before. I knew it!  This is perfectly natural and often a healthy first step so I'm not criticizing this stage.   The 2nd is....I realize that everyone is doing the best they can, as well as I, and I let them and myself off the hook for what went down.  One important thing to do here is to be really conscious as to where this happens for you.  It's super easy for this to happen in the head, and not so easy to really embrace this in the heart, especially if the hurt is really deep for you or another.

Imagine yourself spending some time around the person in question. That should give you a clue as to just where you are with the process.  Time is your friend and allow yourself gentle awareness without giving "spiritual guilt" and saying you should be further in forgiveness than you are. People that use "spiritual guilt" are called "spiritual radicals" and don't deserve forgiveness. Just kidding...it's important to forgive them too.  You will get there at the perfect time so give yourself a break and trust the perfection of timing.  Until you can really feel it in your emotional body, you're not ready to even think about the next step. 

This is a good time for some 88% Dark, Organic, Fair Trade Chocolate.  OK, now that you've let yourself and everyone off the hook, you are ready to approach the next step.  You reach this level when you can fully embrace..."I thank you and/or myself "For-Giving" me this experience."  This again is much more easy to do in the head than to feel in the heart.  The easiest time to feel this is when something amazing has happened as a result of the painful experience and you can easily see and feel how it would not have occurred without the situation in question and you are grateful. You can also experience this feeling after drinking large amount of Tequila or Kombucha.  Unfortunately, it will wear off either the next morning or when you see a picture of the person in question, especially if they are smiling. 

Angelina was most able to forgive her "wasband" when she became increasingly aware that had he or anything been different, we would not be exactly where we were/are and she and I both felt/feel that this is the most wonderful thing to have happened to either of us.  Plus, we got the house!   Still, even without the new bliss, one can surrender to God/Spirit fully in knowing that all is perfectly in Divine Order and the Universe is conspiring on our behalf. 

This is often done by one of three states of consciousness. #1 Pure Acceptance of what is.  #2 Making the Best of what is.  And #3 Making what is, The Best!. Even the least joyous of these three, pure acceptance, still embraces that all is well and couldn't be any different. This is different from "pseudo acceptance" which is "the smug idea that all will come around to our way of thinking eventually when the other wakes up to the truth".  Just remember, just because you are working on forgiveness and maybe even reached level 2 or 3, doesn't mean, as Marianne Williamson says, you want to do lunch.

OK, now I must share an even more powerful forgiveness of yourself, others and Life itself.  Most will never choose this path so I'm only offering it for the small minority, 1 in every 10,000, (I made that statistic up) that can embrace this.  BTW, did you know that 75% of all statistics are made up on the spot, 80% of the time?  OK, this is extremely controversial, not based in fact and completely made up by Angelina and myself (along with The Course in Miracles and some sects of Hinduism).  Stop reading now if you want control over your external world.  Go no further please if you have any desire to judge others or yourself.  Please turn off your computer now if you are attached to anything and want to keep it that way.  Here it comes........wait for it.  

You can completely surrender to The Script and embrace "complete predestination".  This makes all the other levels completely moot other than a short exercise for the mind.  The Script trumps all other thoughts because it not only says what you and others do is OK, it says it's the only way you and others could possibly have done it. Forgiveness helps us "bury the hatchet".  The Script shows us there never was a hatchet at all.  I told you this was going to be crazy.  Well, we're just crazy enough to believe this 100%.  Oops, Angelina just told me she is only buying into The Script 99%.  She still gives herself and others 1% Free Will.  If anyone argues with her about anything they think is Free Will, she'll say "that's part of the 1%." LOL

For more on The Script see earlier blogs.  Unlike other spiritual teachings, the entire "Unholy Text" is only 2 pages long.  Unlike other teachings it will not take hundreds of scholars and teachers to decipher it.  It's very simple, clear and definitive.  BTW, The Script requires all Scriptists to celebrate not be celibate. Have fun with all of this because if it's not fun, it's not worth doing...........Swami Armandananda, self appointed leader/authority and creator of The Script (under the lenient guidance of Angelina, the subtle sage)

I'm No Longer Proud of Myself or Anyone Else!

It occurred to me that being proud of ourselves, our kids, our parents, our countries, our race, our religion, our sports teams, our partners etc. can be a trap.  People say it all the time.. I'm so proud of myself or I'm so proud of my kid.  Someone was recently telling us how proud they were of us and our recent journey with America's Got Talent. I felt my stomach get tight.  I didn't say anything to them because I knew they meant it as a compliment. Actually, it usually is said as a compliment and to validate someone, so ultimately I have no issue with it.  When I had some time to ponder it, I realized that the phrase "proud of" usually means "pleased with" and has a very ugly lover/bedfellow.  His/her name is "ashamed of" and will always accompany his/her lover just waiting for the opportunity to be of service.  Sometimes, it can feel a bit condescending when someone says,  "I'm proud of you",  like they are giving you their seal of approval and you need it to be OK.  Beware my friend.....all that glorious approval will most probably turn into disapproval and the "co-dependent sea monkeys" will get their life-giving fix and start to make you feel "not-enough" again. Like any other addiction and yes, I use the word addiction when dealing with "getting the approval" of others, there is a really negative side-effect. You begin to crave/need the drug again and again. God I wish there were a way for me to indulge in my "drug of choice" and not have any of the side effects. I, like most folks recovering from addictions, have tried every possible way to be the first person to do this. LOL It's very much like "attachment".  You can't have it alone. Oh no, it always comes with a big dose of suffering.  Pride and Shame are flip sides of the same coin and when I consciously let go of all shame, pride left too.  I miss pride but I don't miss shame.  The same is true of superiority/inferiority, respect/disrespect, etc. In the words of Forest Gump....'they go together like peas and carrots".

So the next time you find yourself feeling "proud of" yourself or anyone else, check in and see what you are feeling deeply. It's most likely joy, warmth, open-heartedness or peace.  Make sure it's not laced with judgment that will turn to shame when you don't feel the same way.  Let yourself or the other know that you are feeling more connected to them or more peaceful or more open-hearted.  This keeps it about you and will not as likely feed the ego's desire for approval. Oh, and don't go killing sea monkeys. They are harmless unless snorted and then they can mess you up when they come to life in your nasal passages.  I'm just sayin..........

Don't Give Warm Love to Everyone!

Are there people in your life that don't get you that you don't get either but you want to feel peaceful about them.  Welcome to one of the most challenging postures in relationship yoga.  I call these "creditor relationships".  How about treating them like a "creditor".  You know they don't have your best interest at heart and they want something from you that you aren't willing to give them. Love them from afar. Don't give them any information or warmth that they'll use to try and collect more from you.  They are not wrong for trying to get what they believe you owe them.  You are not wrong for not believing you owe them. It's just a stalemate.  In Eckankar they say....."warm love or charity,  one gives warm love to those who give it back,  charity to all else, love with no expectations/ no contracts."  As a person who has spent the better part of 50 years trying to give warm love to everybody, I can say clearly that it has been the source of much of my suffering.  We can be honest, direct and clear when we deal with "creditor relationships". Truly the less contact the better. I found out last night that a relationship I have been giving warm love to for 29 years has been a "creditor relationship"  for the last 8.  I say I found out last night but the truth is, I've known this for a while but was unwilling to admit it to myself.  I thought..."If I could only love them enough, they'd love me back".  You may recognize that line from a previous post. Yes, it's the same couple. LOL  The difference is, NOW all 4 of us are on the same page, all is forgiven and none of us wants to have anything to do with the other couple. Kind of like a typical divorce where you never spend time together again.  Oh, and BTW, if you move, don't give them your new address. LOL

Turn The Other Cheeks!

We all remember the old way as taught by the Old Testament...."An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth".  Well we all know what that does....leaves everyone toothless and blind.  Then we were told "turn the other cheek".  Well, I always had an issue with that because it felt co-dependent.  How many of us have taken what feels like abuse and just stood there allowing for more?  When I did the 12-steps in CODA-codependents anonymous,  I learned a lot about what enabling was.  I realize that often, people are driven to act out in certain ways and when we do nothing or encourage it, we are feeding their pain body and bringing in more perceived abuse. 

Since I believe all spiritual teachings like the Bible, Koran, Torah, Course in miracles, Tao te Ching, The Script, etc are all made up, I decided to make up my own translation of Jesus' famous quote. What if he was misquoted?  What if the translation from Aramaic to English was flawed?  What if Jesus and other great prophets were not telling us to just take it or fight back? What if the actual quote was "turn the other cheeks and walk away"?  That makes way more sense to me.  Eckhart Tolle says. "sometimes the most conscious thing we can say is a firm NO!"  When I am in the presence of someone that says or does something that doesn't feel good to me,  what works pretty well for me is to sing in my head..."I love myself....more than I love you loving me. I love myself....my love."  Then I can turn the other cheeks and walk away.

No-one is Responsible....Everyone is Accountable

I first heard "we are not responsible for what we do" from Eckhart Tolle in his groundbreaking book..The New Earth.  He claims that when we do negative things, it is merely our "pain body" that has taken over.  This resonated deeply in my soul even though I had held the "self-responsible" position for my whole life.  It was only when I embraced The Script that I was able to fully embrace "non-responsibility".  The word "responsible" is a very loaded word. One definition is.....Being the primary cause of something and so able to be blamed or credited for it.  This is a great way to perpetuate judgment, shame and guilt which have plagued me for decades and only recently have been removed from my consciousness. (There still may be some in the unconscious but that is leaving more each day.)  It is my belief that addictions, prescription drugs, depression, anxiety and most any other ailments are all mostly rooted in judgment, shame and guilt leading us to not feeling enough!  So, like it or leave it, here's the cure for all of that........Stop making yourself and others the primary cause of everything so you no longer are able to blame or give credit for it!  Instead, trust that everything is divinely scripted, hold The Script/God/Allah/Insanity/Pain Body responsible for everything and let yourself and everyone else off the judgmental hook!  What if time didn't exist? What if you were merely reviewing a past that already occurred thinking you could change it?  What if the idea of responsibility was just the Ego's way of Edging God Out?  Can you truly surrender to a higher power?  Do you believe "It's all in Divine Order" or are you like most, offering lip service to a teaching that you can't truly embrace?  I sure know what that's like. I've done it for decades.

OK, now that you are probably breaking out in a cold sweat, I want to buffer things a bit with the word accountable. It is often used as a synonym however rarely does someone use the word to put someone down.  We call people and actions irresponsible but we don't say that someone or their actions are not accountable.  Instead it is more of a "what goes around comes around" type of concept.  Because I believe that two of the Absolutes are "The All is One and the One is All" and "we always get back what we put out", then of course everything is connected and there will be consequences/accountability for everything. That doesn't mean responsibility Accountabilty is a given but Responsibility is very subjective. . Is the tree responsible or irresponsible for dropping seeds, dying or uprooting your driveway.  Nope.  Still, there will be consequences and accountability. Is a baby responsible for throwing up on your new clothes?  Nope, but there will be consequences.

In closing, I don't believe you, I or anyone that has ever hurt us or anyone else is responsible for "what is".  I believe in a Divine Order/God/Goddess/Script/Eternal Presence/Higher Power that is ultimately responsible for everything.  I NOW PRONOUNCE US........NOT GUILTY!!!!