Today I make a commitment to a new form of Sobriety. I've conquered most of my physical addictions and have made great strides in healing my co-dependency. Now it's time to go even deeper. I have been addicted to some form of unhappiness since my parents split up 49 years ago. I feel that 50 years of that addiction is more than enough so today I take a "white chip" which represents my commitment to staying happy no matter what. This is not pretending to be happy like I did when I was a "bliss bunny", hiding from the painful thoughts and emotions through a façade of positive thinking. This is a decision to choose unconditional happiness no matter what. I don't expect perfection and I know it's just "one day at a time". Still, this is the next right thing to do for me and as I keep my focus and discipline on Sobriety, I am sure that I can conquer this dis-ease just as I did with the many others.
This unhappiness I speak of is not the circumstantial unhappiness that most of us think of but the unwillingness to feel peaceful, accepting and content with whatever shows up in any situation. I know that one of the keys to unhappiness sobriety is to allow all feelings, thoughts and emotions that I have, to run their course without allowing myself to believe that they are me. I may have a sad thought or emotion but just like I have a body, they are not me. I may be involved in a relationship that has issues but it's not me. I may have a car that needs repair but it's not me. I may have character flaws in my personality but my personality is not me.
I realize now that the real ME has never been depressed. I only thought that the depressing thoughts, emotions and feelings were me. They were no more me than an actor's role is them. Still, I got so caught up in the movie that I forgot I was acting. As Michael Singer says, "it all comes down to choice. You either choose to be happy or not." The same is true of any addiction. You either choose sobriety or you choose to act out. Whether the thoughts are conscious or unconscious that are driving the addiction, we still have the choice to say NO!
Will anyone else join me in this choice to be Sober From Unhappiness?
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