Well, it's time to address a little known condition called "Andropause, sometimes colloquially called "Mano-pause". It is a name that has been given to a menopause-like condition in aging men. This relates to the slow but steady reduction of the production of the hormones testosterone and dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA) in middle-aged men."...wikipedia
When I went in for blood work a few years ago, we were told I had adrenal fatigue and low testosterone. The adrenal fatigue was not surprising given all the balls I've been juggling for the last 30 years, but low testosterone? How could this be? Angelina fainted. Proof again that the #1 erogenous zone is the brain. Still, it was very helpful for me to support my adrenals through supplementation, exercise, and stress reduction, while at the same time taking some testosterone replacement. I was feeling better within a month and this lasted pretty much 2 years even though I stopped supplementing after a year.
For about 2 months, I've been experiencing the previous symptoms plus a whole array of mental/emotional conditions. New evidence lists these symptoms for mano-pause too....."loss of libido and potency, nervousness, depression, impaired memory, the inability to concentrate, fatigue, insomnia, hot flushes, and sweating. Heller and Myers found that their subjects had lower than normal levels of testosterone, and that symptoms decreased dramatically when patients were given replacement doses of testosterone." ...wikipedia Fortunately for Angelina and me, my libido, though a bit diminished, is still in tact.
This is also called ...."The Tunnel". A time in a man's life when he no longer fully relates to his current life and enters a dark tunnel as he moves towards his new life. In The Male Road Map by Al Polito, "the tunnel" is described as "the time a man begins to live life for himself in a way that he hasn't done. If his youth was sheltered, he might have an uncontainable urge to begin experimenting with his fascinations. Sometimes, the man will find that the kingdom he built was not the kingdom he wanted at all. In the process, various aspects of a man’s life may be shed: his career, his practical car, his significant other, his pretense, his inhibitions, whatever worked in the past that no longer serves—ultimately his inauthenticity. It may be a rough time." (boy is that an understatement!) This is one of the roughest times of my life. I can really understand why some folks end it all during this phase. It can feel overwhelmingly hopeless.
"The magnitude of the changes called for may cause some men to shut down and settle back into their lives without making any changes. Such a man’s mind, heart, soul and body will rebel against him. His kingdom will be poisoned. All archetypes, high and low, have their proper place in every man, but for healthy men, the boyish, self-centered ego (which governs the low archetypes) will, in the end, be set aside (not banished) in order for the man’s sense of purpose and duty to prevail. This is the theme of true adulthood."
"So, standing at the entrance and facing his tunnel, a man has the great opportunity to examine which archetypes have been running the show, and why, even if he doesn't use this Jungian language. Maybe a boy has been running the show, medicating with drugs or alcohol to avoid grief, or running a parade of women through his life in search of power or validation. Or conversely, a man who spent his life being a “caretaker” personality may find that the boy within him never got to play, and demands a good time." This feels so right on to me. I feel like I'm smack dab in the middle of the tunnel with little light visible on either end.
According to Al, here's the good news...."Whatever the challenge of his tunnel, after he has been through his, a man will have emerged with a stronger sense of self. He will know what interests him and what does not. His tolerance for things he has left behind will evaporate. He has determined who he is and what he serves. He now bears the crown of the king."
Lately, I've lost my faith in an external God. I've lost my faith in major parts of my personality. I've lost my passion for work. I've lost my faith in positive thinking and the law of attraction.
What I've gained is: a faith in Divine Order/Karma/Predestination. More awareness that there is a unifying power and presence within me and the Universe and that presence is LOVE!. I've learned to love and honor parts of me I had denied. I've recognized a cunning addiction that was running much of my life and committed to a new sobriety from it. I've become more present to myself, Angelina and my world. Ultimately, I've sacrificed much of what I knew in order to gain more peace and freedom.
It's really hard to explain that I could possibly have gained all these things and still feel so confused, depressed, angry, lost, afraid and even a bit cynical. Well, it just feels, and I have been told, that it's a natural symptom of my house of cards falling down and "this too shall pass". After 2 months in "the tunnel", I'm already starting to feel a bit better for days at a time. Last night and today I've actually (don't tell anyone) felt really happy. Maybe I've just gone insane!Hurry up 2012. I'm ready for A New Earth!
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