We all remember the old way as taught by the Old Testament...."An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth". Well we all know what that does....leaves everyone toothless and blind. Then we were told "turn the other cheek". Well, I always had an issue with that because it felt co-dependent. How many of us have taken what feels like abuse and just stood there allowing for more? When I did the 12-steps in CODA-codependents anonymous, I learned a lot about what enabling was. I realize that often, people are driven to act out in certain ways and when we do nothing or encourage it, we are feeding their pain body and bringing in more perceived abuse.
Since I believe all spiritual teachings like the Bible, Koran, Torah, Course in miracles, Tao te Ching, The Script, etc are all made up, I decided to make up my own translation of Jesus' famous quote. What if he was misquoted? What if the translation from Aramaic to English was flawed? What if Jesus and other great prophets were not telling us to just take it or fight back? What if the actual quote was "turn the other cheeks and walk away"? That makes way more sense to me. Eckhart Tolle says. "sometimes the most conscious thing we can say is a firm NO!" When I am in the presence of someone that says or does something that doesn't feel good to me, what works pretty well for me is to sing in my head..."I love myself....more than I love you loving me. I love myself....my love." Then I can turn the other cheeks and walk away.
I love this! Great ideas and post. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteYES, my Wise Brother... Love what you wrote
ReplyDeleteHarVaa
It's funny but I was having this same discussion with a friend the other day. I actually explained to her that by staying in a situation that doesn't feel good and keeping quiet about certain things being done to her for the sake of "unconditional love" was in a sense saying "I don't love myself."
ReplyDeleteIt is my belief that when we give inappropriate feedback for situations that we find disturbing or upsetting (ie: oh that's OK, or I want to be around you anyway)we are NOT showing love at all. We are confusing them.
The next time that person performs the same inappropriate thing or says the same upsetting thing to a person that truly loves themselves, they will be told straight out that those things are not appreciated. They may even find that the person that loves themselves no longer wants to spend time with them.
Talk about confusing!!! They go away scratching their heads in wonder. Why did I just get in trouble for that? Why am I being shunned?
Give the proper feedback for the actions or things we are receiving. We need to strive for consistency in our feedback. Sometimes the proper feedback actually requires the word NO to come out our mouth. Sometimes the proper feedback requires us to pack our things and walk away. Sometimes proper feedback requires us to say "time out!" And yes, to me proper feedback equals love.
The child that throws a temper tantrum and gets the candy bar receives a message that says - temper tantrum equals reward. Unless you want that equation to be repeated over and over again, I suggest giving the proper feedback to begin with.
When I keep receiving inappropriate comments or actions from someone that I care about I can usually trace it back to inappropriate feedback that I gave that person in the past. Somehow, some way, I led them to believe that those comments or actions were OK with me. I have no one to blame but myself.