Santa Claus Died! God Lives!

I found out there was no Santa Claus when I was about 7 and instead of freaking out, I found new Santa Clauses. Mostly it began with never knowing when my mom would be available to spend time with us. It was always a real treat when she'd show up and take us away for the weekend. She'd get away from her alcoholic husband and we'd stay at a hotel and eat room service and watch Beatles movies etc. Then we moved with my dad to FL and I found a new Santa.....kissing girls. From then on, my life was driven by some Fantasy: a new romance, a new band, a dream of a record deal, a dream of a manager or agent, a dream of winning a Posi Award, and of course there's.....America's Got Talent!

 

All of these dreams died when I got sober from Fantasyholia last year. Fortunately, God came into my life more profoundly than ever last February and I slowly, painfully, sometime reluctantly, have been replacing all those temporary gratifications with God Realization through meditation, fitness, 12 Step and Real Love Recovery work. It's not always fun. I don't always feel great. The drugs I get from these healthy activities are not as intense as the drugs from fantasy were, but the side effects are all positive and lasting. God is revealed constantly now in my breath, Angelina, nature, humanity, and LIFE itself.
In closing...."I will give up Santa Claus' presents for the presence of God any day!"

What You See and What You Hear, You Are Broadcasting!

I have been working on feeling and understanding the whole "mirror" concept for some time now.  It seems clearer than ever on this morning of 12/21/2012.  Imagine that everyone and everything is like a television.  Each has a multitude of stations they can receive and each is programmed to receive certain frequencies or channels.  Imagine that you are like a broadcasting station which is picked up by a multitude of receivers.  When you come across someone or something that you really enjoy, it is because they are tuned to a station that picks up a signal that you really love about yourself.  It's not them but you that are broadcasting that signal.  They are just wonderfully playing it back for you.

The same is true when you come across someone or something that you can't stand.  People can only play back what you are broadcasting.  Have you noticed that things that bother others often have no effect upon you and vice versa?  You can't really hear or see the negative tones or images if you didn't send them out. My bride Angelina is rarely triggered by the people that trigger me.  She is not broadcasting the same negativity that I am.  Same people, different experience.

Here's a twist.  Have you noticed that you can broadcast to 10 people and each one plays back a different frequency?  That's because all receivers are not the same.  Some people are tuned into really low frequencies that are super uncomfortable for us.  Still, we won't be able to perceive these low frequencies unless we broadcast them consciously or more likely, unconsciously.  That's the amazing gift that we receive from the low frequency holders.   They play back our unconscious broadcasts so we have an opportunity to love and forgive on a deeper level.  Still, I choose to spend my time mostly with folks that are tuned into the frequencies that I most enjoy experiencing.  It's similar to presetting your car radio to your favorite channels.  All are available, we just get to choose the ones we most enjoy listening to.

So here we are in a brand new 26,000 year cycle.  A New Earth if you will.  We have a new opportunity to take full responsibility for our broadcasts and projections. We have a new potential to love and forgive anything about ourselves that is of a lower frequency than we choose to broadcast to ourselves and others.  We also have the opportunity to continue to blame and resent the world for not giving us what we want. What Will You Choose?

Humility Strikes Again!

I am writing to share some awareness-es I have been having and also tell my truth and come clean about some things. As most of you know, last year was a really challenging year for Angelina and myself. As a result, I was inspired to go deeper into my spiritual practice and get involved in long term recovery work for some addictions. I did this through 12-step programs, Real Love Groups, Vipassana meditation and most recently Kriya yoga. All of these different programs are pointing in the same direction, towards God/Self realization and ultimately, a more loving, open heart. The good news is, it is working. The uncomfortable news is, I have a new standard of being and that inspires me to see clearly where I have and continue to fall short of that standard.

I realize that for most of my life I have felt afraid and hungry for unconditional love (Real Love). In addition to doing things that helped to heal this pain, I often did things to protect myself and get "imitation love" in the form of safety, power, praise and pleasure. This kept me selfish at times because anyone or anything that might have stood in the way of me getting these "imitation love drugs", were seen as dangerous and I would do most anything to protect myself even if it meant being hurtful and unloving to them. There is a huge list of people that got hurt in all of this and some of you are receiving this today.

The person that has received the most of this unloving behaviour is also the person that throughout my life has "threatened AND offered me" the most "imitation love".....my sister/surrogate mother. In the last 2 weeks, partially inspired by work cancellations, I have been able to remove many of my blocks to loving her through my practices out here with Angelina in AZ. This has had a domino affect and I am recognizing and removing the blocks that have prevented me from loving others. I apologize deeply for any confusion or pain that resulted from this unloving behaviour. I commit to becoming better, more loving and more aware of my God/Self and sharing this with you all more freely.

I close with Ho'oponopono.....I apologize, please forgive me, I love you, thank you. You are all my teachers. Now I'm off to meditate, do yoga and go with Angelina to a Real Love Group.

An Apology to Christianity!

Yesterday, while driving from Santa Fe to Scottsdale, I felt compelled to go into a mountain neighborhood towards a white church of some sort.  When we got there, we noticed it was a Greek Orthodox Church. I began to weep and release lots of old judgments. I felt so much power and devotion.  I have not felt this since I left traditional Christianity in 1976.  I felt the presence of Jesus' Christ energy and was overcome with joy.  The church was closed so we drove away.

After I gained composure, we started listening to "Autobiography of a Yogi" read by Sir Ben Kingsley which we got from the Center for Spiritual Awareness where our Master Teacher, Roy Eugene Davis teaches.  Paramahansa Yogananda quoted Babaji as saying...."for the faults of the many, judge not the whole."  Again, I began to weep as I realized that "for the faults of the many" in the Christian religion, I had "judged the whole".  I've done this with people too, especially my childhood caretakers.  Babaji went on to say...."Everything on earth is of mixed character, like a mingling of sand and sugar. Be like the wise ant which seizes only the sugar, and leaves the sand untouched." So often we demonize the whole when we experience sand in our sugar. 

So, to the Christian Church and Christianity at large, I offer a deep, sincere apology for judging you.  I realize now that the essence and soul of your teaching and religion is "Love of God and devotion to The Christ of Jesus".  We need to recognize this with Islam too especially with all the terrorist/extremist actions of the last decade (for the faults of the many). This is exemplified by the Dalai Lama as he stressed, "the importance of valuing all faiths in our current "supermarket of religion."              

I Have A New Lover and She is God!

Lately I have been feeling extra happy like the way I used to feel when I had a new girlfriend, career change, etc.  I still have the same wonderful career; still married to the same amazing, gorgeous, loving, intelligent woman; live in the same home, etc.  What is going on?

For most of my life, I have always needed something new in my life in order to feel alive and enthusiastic.  My music career was good for this since making a living in the arts is rarely stable and mundane.  I also had a strong drive to keep new romance in my life with women.  I always rationalized this as "my non-monogamous nature" and the result was; lack of commitment, lack of intimacy and a constant flow of drama in my life. As painful as this was, it did fulfill my desire for newness.  I realize now that much of that desire was developed as a way to escape facing my inner unresolved pain.

When Angelina made it clear many years ago that if I pursued any new romance, she would let me go, I made the toughest choice of my life....to give up my "drug of choice" for love. Since then our relationship has continued to grow and flourish while at the same time, my unresolved pain has continued to surface and be released. 

When our dreams of going "mainstream" did not materialize the way we had hoped in 2011, it gave me another opportunity to let go of any ambition for the newness of monetary wealth, fame, commercial success, etc.  This brought up even more unresolved pain which is continually being released.

Jump to Right Now.  I feel happier than ever.  I feel more peace in my heart.  I am more in love with life.  If I were a detective, I would follow me to see who I'm having an affair with.  I realize that I Have Fallen in Love with God. Again!  I know it sounds crazy but that's what it feels like.  When I see the sunrise, I feel God.  When I see and talk to other people, I see God.  Even when I see tragedy, I see God.  She has been seducing me for years but I always chose something or someone else to give my time and energy to.  She has been so patient, embracing me passionately even when I didn't acknowledge Her. 

I know now that my false identification with Polyamory was really my soul's hunger to fall in love with God in addition to Angelina.  Classic case of a "God shaped Hole".  Another great thing about my new lover is...Angelina is not jealous of Her.  Angelina's in love with Her too.  This is a dream come true.  Since we were both initiated into Kriya Yoga, we've been having threesomes with God.  LOL

I know that many things have contributed to my newfound passion for God.  The most important, all of which I found most profoundly in the last year are: Sobriety; Real Love by Greg Baer; Vipassana Meditation; and Kriya Yoga.   I am eternally grateful for everything that God created for me to find my way back to Her.  As much love as I have received from Angelina and the other people that truly love and accept me, there was always something missing in my life until I began to fully experience the rapture of unconditional love and oneness of my new lover. 

We make love in many different ways AND the most consistent, profound ecstacy occurs when I am in silent meditation with Her. The more I meditate, the better I feel and the more deeply I fall in love with Everything.  She has inspired me to pursue a deeper path of Yoga and Meditation. I am enthusiastic about where our relationship will take me.  She reminds me not to get attached to the ecstasy, but instead use our love to be of service to myself and others.  She's so Awesome that way!   

You Never Get It All Done!

Today I found myself wanting to get away from my house.  This happens quite often and it's one of the things that motivates me to do outdoor yoga, exercise, 12-step meetings and tennis.  Today I got some awareness during yoga as to the main reason this occurs.  Sometimes, my home represents all the things that I have to do and the story I've made up about how far behind I am in getting them done.  "You Never Get It Done"......I've heard this in the past as well as "There's Always More To Do" and each time I hear it, I feel more at ease.  These phrases help me realize that I am the one who puts the deadlines for my achievements upon me.  So what if I don't get everything done in the time frame I set forth.  Life is messy sometimes.  I am finding more and more the desire to do things that increase the positive chemicals in my brain and quite often it takes me away from work and organizational things. I still get everything done that I need.  "It's more important to FEEL and BE than it is to DO".....yogi armandananda

When I can let go of the rigid demands I put upon myself about time frames, etc., I will start to see all the projects, organizing, work materials and bookings as "works in progress" that are an indication that I am evolving and active.  Then I will feel less eager to get away from my home.  I still plan to do my outdoor practices and play but will be going towards them instead of away from my perceived burdens of responsibility.

First a Heart Breaks; Then it Breaks Open!

I got some news yesterday that really disturbed and disappointed me.  My heart was again broken which always becomes an opportunity for more healing and more openness to Spirit.  My neurosis heard "there are people conspiring against you to keep you and Angelina from being able to share your love and music at churches and other events".  My soul responded "everything is always conspiring upon your behalf".  Apparently, the intimate, honest, open, edgy (and sometimes unskillful) nature of some of my posts and blogs continue to make some folks uncomfortable and in at least two cases in the last few months, have chosen to use that discomfort to prevent us from being part of certain events and services. Spirit said "that comes with the territory. You will always be provided for. Be at Peace."  I cried a bit at first to release the pain, got loved up by talking to Angelina and two of my dearest friends and supporters, went bowling (scored a 210), came back to The Land, played the game "catch phrase" with two of our dear friends, watched the end of "Tuck Everlasting" and headed outside to meditate and spend the night under the stars. I made one more phone call to a dear friend and she loved me up some more.

As long as I was meditating, all was well. As soon as I drifted off to sleep, my Ego's voices (aka the shitty committee) starting making me feel anxious.  I went back to meditating and self talk..."All is well, God is balance, there's perfection everywhere, Peace I AM, even in the chaos, sweet surrender all around. Pure acceptance, Open up embrace it all."  I finally just let go and wailed for a few minutes. Fortunately, the hammock was far enough away from the lodging and no-one heard me.  I drifted beautifully off to sleep and awoke at 6am in time for morning meditation. I am again reminded to allow myself to feel and express it all even if my thoughts are in contradiction to "absolute truth and awareness".

At this time, we are fully booked for the next 5 months and many churches and events continue to be inspired by our love and music.  I am trusting that these two recent occurrences are the exception to the rule.  As a dear friend said, "this is coming up again for you Armand so you can more deeply heal it".  This is a very familiar place for me and my negative energy around it is a fraction of what it's been in the past, so that is a very good sign.  I am also reminded..."What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right.”-
Albert Einstein   For all of you who feel misunderstood, ostracized or abandoned: I feel you; I see you; and I walk this journey with you. We are in very good company!  "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all."