I'm No Longer Proud of Myself or Anyone Else!

It occurred to me that being proud of ourselves, our kids, our parents, our countries, our race, our religion, our sports teams, our partners etc. can be a trap.  People say it all the time.. I'm so proud of myself or I'm so proud of my kid.  Someone was recently telling us how proud they were of us and our recent journey with America's Got Talent. I felt my stomach get tight.  I didn't say anything to them because I knew they meant it as a compliment. Actually, it usually is said as a compliment and to validate someone, so ultimately I have no issue with it.  When I had some time to ponder it, I realized that the phrase "proud of" usually means "pleased with" and has a very ugly lover/bedfellow.  His/her name is "ashamed of" and will always accompany his/her lover just waiting for the opportunity to be of service.  Sometimes, it can feel a bit condescending when someone says,  "I'm proud of you",  like they are giving you their seal of approval and you need it to be OK.  Beware my friend.....all that glorious approval will most probably turn into disapproval and the "co-dependent sea monkeys" will get their life-giving fix and start to make you feel "not-enough" again. Like any other addiction and yes, I use the word addiction when dealing with "getting the approval" of others, there is a really negative side-effect. You begin to crave/need the drug again and again. God I wish there were a way for me to indulge in my "drug of choice" and not have any of the side effects. I, like most folks recovering from addictions, have tried every possible way to be the first person to do this. LOL It's very much like "attachment".  You can't have it alone. Oh no, it always comes with a big dose of suffering.  Pride and Shame are flip sides of the same coin and when I consciously let go of all shame, pride left too.  I miss pride but I don't miss shame.  The same is true of superiority/inferiority, respect/disrespect, etc. In the words of Forest Gump....'they go together like peas and carrots".

So the next time you find yourself feeling "proud of" yourself or anyone else, check in and see what you are feeling deeply. It's most likely joy, warmth, open-heartedness or peace.  Make sure it's not laced with judgment that will turn to shame when you don't feel the same way.  Let yourself or the other know that you are feeling more connected to them or more peaceful or more open-hearted.  This keeps it about you and will not as likely feed the ego's desire for approval. Oh, and don't go killing sea monkeys. They are harmless unless snorted and then they can mess you up when they come to life in your nasal passages.  I'm just sayin..........