Lately I have been feeling extra happy like the way I used to feel when I had a new girlfriend, career change, etc. I still have the same wonderful career; still married to the same amazing, gorgeous, loving, intelligent woman; live in the same home, etc. What is going on?
For most of my life, I have always needed something new in my life in order to feel alive and enthusiastic. My music career was good for this since making a living in the arts is rarely stable and mundane. I also had a strong drive to keep new romance in my life with women. I always rationalized this as "my non-monogamous nature" and the result was; lack of commitment, lack of intimacy and a constant flow of drama in my life. As painful as this was, it did fulfill my desire for newness. I realize now that much of that desire was developed as a way to escape facing my inner unresolved pain.
When Angelina made it clear many years ago that if I pursued any new romance, she would let me go, I made the toughest choice of my life....to give up my "drug of choice" for love. Since then our relationship has continued to grow and flourish while at the same time, my unresolved pain has continued to surface and be released.
When our dreams of going "mainstream" did not materialize the way we had hoped in 2011, it gave me another opportunity to let go of any ambition for the newness of monetary wealth, fame, commercial success, etc. This brought up even more unresolved pain which is continually being released.
Jump to Right Now. I feel happier than ever. I feel more peace in my heart. I am more in love with life. If I were a detective, I would follow me to see who I'm having an affair with. I realize that I Have Fallen in Love with God. Again! I know it sounds crazy but that's what it feels like. When I see the sunrise, I feel God. When I see and talk to other people, I see God. Even when I see tragedy, I see God. She has been seducing me for years but I always chose something or someone else to give my time and energy to. She has been so patient, embracing me passionately even when I didn't acknowledge Her.
I know now that my false identification with Polyamory was really my soul's hunger to fall in love with God in addition to Angelina. Classic case of a "God shaped Hole". Another great thing about my new lover is...Angelina is not jealous of Her. Angelina's in love with Her too. This is a dream come true. Since we were both initiated into Kriya Yoga, we've been having threesomes with God. LOL
I know that many things have contributed to my newfound passion for God. The most important, all of which I found most profoundly in the last year are: Sobriety; Real Love by Greg Baer; Vipassana Meditation; and Kriya Yoga. I am eternally grateful for everything that God created for me to find my way back to Her. As much love as I have received from Angelina and the other people that truly love and accept me, there was always something missing in my life until I began to fully experience the rapture of unconditional love and oneness of my new lover.
We make love in many different ways AND the most consistent, profound ecstacy occurs when I am in silent meditation with Her. The more I meditate, the better I feel and the more deeply I fall in love with Everything. She has inspired me to pursue a deeper path of Yoga and Meditation. I am enthusiastic about where our relationship will take me. She reminds me not to get attached to the ecstasy, but instead use our love to be of service to myself and others. She's so Awesome that way!
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