Humility Strikes Again!

I am writing to share some awareness-es I have been having and also tell my truth and come clean about some things. As most of you know, last year was a really challenging year for Angelina and myself. As a result, I was inspired to go deeper into my spiritual practice and get involved in long term recovery work for some addictions. I did this through 12-step programs, Real Love Groups, Vipassana meditation and most recently Kriya yoga. All of these different programs are pointing in the same direction, towards God/Self realization and ultimately, a more loving, open heart. The good news is, it is working. The uncomfortable news is, I have a new standard of being and that inspires me to see clearly where I have and continue to fall short of that standard.

I realize that for most of my life I have felt afraid and hungry for unconditional love (Real Love). In addition to doing things that helped to heal this pain, I often did things to protect myself and get "imitation love" in the form of safety, power, praise and pleasure. This kept me selfish at times because anyone or anything that might have stood in the way of me getting these "imitation love drugs", were seen as dangerous and I would do most anything to protect myself even if it meant being hurtful and unloving to them. There is a huge list of people that got hurt in all of this and some of you are receiving this today.

The person that has received the most of this unloving behaviour is also the person that throughout my life has "threatened AND offered me" the most "imitation love".....my sister/surrogate mother. In the last 2 weeks, partially inspired by work cancellations, I have been able to remove many of my blocks to loving her through my practices out here with Angelina in AZ. This has had a domino affect and I am recognizing and removing the blocks that have prevented me from loving others. I apologize deeply for any confusion or pain that resulted from this unloving behaviour. I commit to becoming better, more loving and more aware of my God/Self and sharing this with you all more freely.

I close with Ho'oponopono.....I apologize, please forgive me, I love you, thank you. You are all my teachers. Now I'm off to meditate, do yoga and go with Angelina to a Real Love Group.