Oh My God! I Swear To God, I think I'm Agnostic!! I'm just not sure.

This is crazy. I've been pursuing a belief in God since Catechism as a young boy.  I became a born-again Christian when I was in middle school, spoke in tongues and was fully baptized too.  I have been ministering since I was 11, speaking full time in churches since 1996 and was ordained in 2000. I have considered my deep belief in God to be the cornerstone of my philosophy. 
Lately I've been questioning everything.  I've been resonating more and more with Hinduism and Buddhism and less and less with any form of Christianity.  The beautiful thing about New Thought is that it is such an open philosophy that even my new tangent can still wonderfully fit into the broader New Thought perspective.  Whew, I almost lost my part-time job!!

For some reason, I looked up the word agnostic today and was blown away.  I have thought for some time that the concept of God and the workings of Existence was too vast for our human thoughts and words.  I have lately begun to believe that any book or talk on the subject must be, by its very nature, made up. This lead me to make up my own "spiritual teaching" based upon everything I have ever studied and strongly influenced by Angelina's philosophy that Free Will and Divine Order are mutually exclusive, combined with letting go of anything that did not offer me sustained, non-judgmental Peace.  As many know, I call this new spirituality.....The Script.

Still, I have lots of confusion even within The Script. Did God create Life or was it our Egos like the Course in Miracles concludes?  Do we have free will over our thoughts? How do I pray if I don't believe it has any physical effect? Who do I pray to if I don't believe in a Creator.  OMG, I need not know any of this if I claim my agnosticism.  Deep breath!  Ahhhhhhhhh

Agnosticism is the view that the truth value of certain claims—especially claims about the existence or non-existence of any deity, but also other religious and metaphysical claims—is unknown or unknowable. Well, that's exactly what I've been feeling for many months now.  I used to think that religion was the problem but now it appears that fervent belief in the truth value of a certain religion is more like the problem.  I even had a pretty heated discussion recently with a dear friend who is a Course in Miracles enthusiast.  I take responsibility for my part AND it appears to me that the underlying challenge is that she believes that the CIM is true. Period!  How many times have I had that same belief about my particular religion or spiritual/philosophical views, which only lead to separation?

The Dalai Lama states clearly..."we need to have many religions in order for every one's spiritual needs to be met".  He didn't say "we need to find the one truth" or "Buddhism is right for everyone". I find Buddhism's lack of focus upon God or Supreme Being very enlightening because it focuses more upon the now and how to be the best we can be. 

Like Atheism, New Thought and Buddhism, Agnosticism is not a religion but more of a spiritual philosophy.  Religion usually has a deity or God/Creator.  Buddhists generally do not believe in a Creator/God, an entity that is separate from, independent of, and superior to humans, but rather "a spiritual nature" as an intricately linked part of all things, and that we all have this nature often referred to a Buddha nature. This is similar to what is called "Christ consciousness" or "The I AM Presence" in new thought/new age philosophies.  In 12-step recovery, this is often referred to as "Higher Power".

Agnostics can be divided into many categories. Here are a few I like:

Agnostic atheism

Agnostic atheists are atheistic because they do not have belief in the existence of any deity, and agnostic because they do not claim to know that a deity does not exist.

Agnostic theism

The view of those who do not claim to know of the existence of any deity, but still believe in such an existence.

Apathetic or pragmatic agnosticism

The view that there is no proof of either the existence or nonexistence of any deity, but since any deity that may exist appears unconcerned for the universe or the welfare of its inhabitants, the question is largely academic.

It appears that my best self description (for today. lol) is...."I'm a Pragmatic Agnostic, Buddhist,  Scriptist.  Funny thing is.....I feel less confused than ever.   Angelina just reminded me that we also believe in the presence of the "angelic realm" which makes us just weird!! 

Regardless of what or who you believe in. We believe in You. We believe in Love and we believe in Armand and Angelina.  As always, I'm open to feedback and more awakening.