I got some news yesterday that really disturbed and disappointed me. My heart was again broken which always becomes an opportunity for more healing and more openness to Spirit. My neurosis heard "there are people conspiring against you to keep you and Angelina from being able to share your love and music at churches and other events". My soul responded "everything is always conspiring upon your behalf". Apparently, the intimate, honest, open, edgy (and sometimes unskillful) nature of some of my posts and blogs continue to make some folks uncomfortable and in at least two cases in the last few months, have chosen to use that discomfort to prevent us from being part of certain events and services. Spirit said "that comes with the territory. You will always be provided for. Be at Peace." I cried a bit at first to release the pain, got loved up by talking to Angelina and two of my dearest friends and supporters, went bowling (scored a 210), came back to The Land, played the game "catch phrase" with two of our dear friends, watched the end of "Tuck Everlasting" and headed outside to meditate and spend the night under the stars. I made one more phone call to a dear friend and she loved me up some more.
As long as I was meditating, all was well. As soon as I drifted off to sleep, my Ego's voices (aka the shitty committee) starting making me feel anxious. I went back to meditating and self talk..."All is well, God is balance, there's perfection everywhere, Peace I AM, even in the chaos, sweet surrender all around. Pure acceptance, Open up embrace it all." I finally just let go and wailed for a few minutes. Fortunately, the hammock was far enough away from the lodging and no-one heard me. I drifted beautifully off to sleep and awoke at 6am in time for morning meditation. I am again reminded to allow myself to feel and express it all even if my thoughts are in contradiction to "absolute truth and awareness".
At this time, we are fully booked for the next 5 months and many churches and events continue to be inspired by our love and music. I am trusting that these two recent occurrences are the exception to the rule. As a dear friend said, "this is coming up again for you Armand so you can more deeply heal it". This is a very familiar place for me and my negative energy around it is a fraction of what it's been in the past, so that is a very good sign. I am also reminded..."What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right.”-
Albert Einstein For all of you who feel misunderstood, ostracized or abandoned: I feel you; I see you; and I walk this journey with you. We are in very good company! "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all."
"There is no good or bad, there is no right or wrong, it's just perception"....Armand and The Symptoms. Today I chatted with one of the people responsible for our big church gig getting cancelled. I felt the most amazing warmth run through my body. I felt love from her and a sense of respect from and for her. She was following her guidance that was uncomfortable with my views about many things I have posted and didn't feel I was a match to her church. Although I KNOW that our Sunday message and workshops work wonderfully at all New Thought churches, I honor her position, especially since bringing someone in to speak is a representation of the church and an example to the youth of the church. We are very involved with many teens around the country and I can certainly see why my facebook presence would set off some alarms. If I could do this last year over, I would do things very differently; AND I know it all worked perfectly and have no regrets. As my bride says, "the wisdom we have gained from 2011 is worth all the painful experiences we had to go through." I am aware that my responsibility to my career and to the youth we serve was disregarded a bit while I went through my "dark night of the soul". I was lost and did the best I could. I also know, like with all things, even my irresponsible posts served many of you in a powerful way which I heard over and over. I still don't love the fact that we were cancelled; AND I love the people and motives that were behind it all. Man this is different for me. I don't feel at all like a victim. For anyone in power at churches or events that we may be a part of; what we present at churches and events is different from what I do in recovery, facebook, blogs and other parts of my personal life. What an amazing blessing this has all been for me. Thank you supporters and non-supporters, you all are part of my ultimate purpose. I am so blessed!!!
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