I got some news yesterday that really disturbed and disappointed me. My heart was again broken which always becomes an opportunity for more healing and more openness to Spirit. My neurosis heard "there are people conspiring against you to keep you and Angelina from being able to share your love and music at churches and other events". My soul responded "everything is always conspiring upon your behalf". Apparently, the intimate, honest, open, edgy (and sometimes unskillful) nature of some of my posts and blogs continue to make some folks uncomfortable and in at least two cases in the last few months, have chosen to use that discomfort to prevent us from being part of certain events and services. Spirit said "that comes with the territory. You will always be provided for. Be at Peace." I cried a bit at first to release the pain, got loved up by talking to Angelina and two of my dearest friends and supporters, went bowling (scored a 210), came back to The Land, played the game "catch phrase" with two of our dear friends, watched the end of "Tuck Everlasting" and headed outside to meditate and spend the night under the stars. I made one more phone call to a dear friend and she loved me up some more.
As long as I was meditating, all was well. As soon as I drifted off to sleep, my Ego's voices (aka the shitty committee) starting making me feel anxious. I went back to meditating and self talk..."All is well, God is balance, there's perfection everywhere, Peace I AM, even in the chaos, sweet surrender all around. Pure acceptance, Open up embrace it all." I finally just let go and wailed for a few minutes. Fortunately, the hammock was far enough away from the lodging and no-one heard me. I drifted beautifully off to sleep and awoke at 6am in time for morning meditation. I am again reminded to allow myself to feel and express it all even if my thoughts are in contradiction to "absolute truth and awareness".
At this time, we are fully booked for the next 5 months and many churches and events continue to be inspired by our love and music. I am trusting that these two recent occurrences are the exception to the rule. As a dear friend said, "this is coming up again for you Armand so you can more deeply heal it". This is a very familiar place for me and my negative energy around it is a fraction of what it's been in the past, so that is a very good sign. I am also reminded..."What is right is not always popular and what is popular is not always right.”-
Albert Einstein For all of you who feel misunderstood, ostracized or abandoned: I feel you; I see you; and I walk this journey with you. We are in very good company! "We may not have it all together, but together we have it all."
Friday, July 6, 2012
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Are We All a Bunch of Junkies? Meditate or Medicate? That is the question.(updated 5/19/2013)
The more I explore emotions, addictions and physical sensation, the more I recognize that we are all just seeking ways to "feel good". Unfortunately, in our pursuit of pleasure and avoidance of pain, we can just as easily get hooked on negative emotions (chemicals) as positive ones. As the movie "What The Bleep Do We Know" so clearly showed: we are all chemical producing machines. Our cells get addicted to certain chemicals and we get our organs to produce more and more so we can continue to get the "rush".
I have almost always avoided drugs. I avoided illegal drugs for the obvious reasons and pharmaceuticals for my stance that "they only offered symptomatic relief and were addictive with horrible side-effects". I actually was a bit righteous about this since I thought drug users of any kind were just not courageous enough to heal the problem at it's core.
I've spent most of 2012 doing a lot of research into addictions and I realize that all of them seem to be producing the same thing....Drugs! This drug is most often some form of Dopamine but ultimately it produces a HIGH. All these years of righteousness, I was just substituting the Dope of substances for the Dope of; Romance, Sex, Praise, Fantasy, Rejection, Fear, Martyrdom and Compulsive Thinking (which is usually just a way to avoid The Now and ponder our own separation and not-enoughness). What a hypocrite! Oops, that was a self-abusive comment and it produced a chemical that fed my "not-enoughness" which in turn makes me crave it's anti-venom.....Praise.!
Dopamine is produced by so many of the things we get addicted and attached to: Shopping, Gambling, Intense Movies, Eating, Sugar, Coffee, Energy Drinks, Chocolate, Alcohol, Drugs, Performing, Working, Making Money, Spending Money, Fantasy (which includes sex, lifestyle, finances, justice, peace on earth, etc). Even things that might appear to be painful like self-sacrifice, being a victim and complaining, can often trigger a sense of pride and/or pity that has it's own Dopamine-like chemical payoff. In other words, we are all just medicating.
For the last 16 months I've been experimenting with Deep Meditation for approximately 2 hours per day. I even explored a few "entheogens" to see what all the hype was about. My new take on all of these drugs is.....Meditate or Medicate! Meditation seems to produce it's own "feel good" chemical often referred to as DMT. This comes from our own pineal gland and produces an altered state where we hallucinogenically imagine that we are.....perfect, all-loving, children of the universe, connected to all other matter. It also may highten awareness about unresolved issues. Isn't that what happens when we commit deeply to a spiritual path or spiritual course of study? Isn't that the absolute reality anyway and not the one our egos have imagined?
What if cravings were merely a guidance letting us know that we need more quiet, contemplative time to remember who we really are? What if we are using the "satisfaction of distraction" as a way to numb out the pain of believing a lie that we are small and separate? I'm not criticizing drugs of any type. I now believe that anything can be used to raise our consciousness or to medicate and numb out. The more I learn about alcohol, refined sugar and pharmaceutical drugs, especially those used for mental and emotional conditions, the more I am amazed that they are so available and legal, when many things with a fraction of the side-effects and negative repercussions are illegal and demonized.
So my question to all of us????.....Medicate or Meditate?
I have almost always avoided drugs. I avoided illegal drugs for the obvious reasons and pharmaceuticals for my stance that "they only offered symptomatic relief and were addictive with horrible side-effects". I actually was a bit righteous about this since I thought drug users of any kind were just not courageous enough to heal the problem at it's core.
I've spent most of 2012 doing a lot of research into addictions and I realize that all of them seem to be producing the same thing....Drugs! This drug is most often some form of Dopamine but ultimately it produces a HIGH. All these years of righteousness, I was just substituting the Dope of substances for the Dope of; Romance, Sex, Praise, Fantasy, Rejection, Fear, Martyrdom and Compulsive Thinking (which is usually just a way to avoid The Now and ponder our own separation and not-enoughness). What a hypocrite! Oops, that was a self-abusive comment and it produced a chemical that fed my "not-enoughness" which in turn makes me crave it's anti-venom.....Praise.!
Dopamine is produced by so many of the things we get addicted and attached to: Shopping, Gambling, Intense Movies, Eating, Sugar, Coffee, Energy Drinks, Chocolate, Alcohol, Drugs, Performing, Working, Making Money, Spending Money, Fantasy (which includes sex, lifestyle, finances, justice, peace on earth, etc). Even things that might appear to be painful like self-sacrifice, being a victim and complaining, can often trigger a sense of pride and/or pity that has it's own Dopamine-like chemical payoff. In other words, we are all just medicating.
For the last 16 months I've been experimenting with Deep Meditation for approximately 2 hours per day. I even explored a few "entheogens" to see what all the hype was about. My new take on all of these drugs is.....Meditate or Medicate! Meditation seems to produce it's own "feel good" chemical often referred to as DMT. This comes from our own pineal gland and produces an altered state where we hallucinogenically imagine that we are.....perfect, all-loving, children of the universe, connected to all other matter. It also may highten awareness about unresolved issues. Isn't that what happens when we commit deeply to a spiritual path or spiritual course of study? Isn't that the absolute reality anyway and not the one our egos have imagined?
What if cravings were merely a guidance letting us know that we need more quiet, contemplative time to remember who we really are? What if we are using the "satisfaction of distraction" as a way to numb out the pain of believing a lie that we are small and separate? I'm not criticizing drugs of any type. I now believe that anything can be used to raise our consciousness or to medicate and numb out. The more I learn about alcohol, refined sugar and pharmaceutical drugs, especially those used for mental and emotional conditions, the more I am amazed that they are so available and legal, when many things with a fraction of the side-effects and negative repercussions are illegal and demonized.
So my question to all of us????.....Medicate or Meditate?
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